We want to shout it from the rooftops; women do not have expiration dates. This is something we previously celebrated with our blog post with @natureslingerie. Even more so, a woman can not be confined into one category, one label, one set of values.
It has been portrayed in the media for the longest time that a woman cannot be (blank) and sexy. Fill the blank with whatever you wish; a mother, a wife, a business professional, we have no doubt there’ll be some sad case of the media portraying a woman in an ill light, because she balances that element of her life with her sexual being.
It was reported that ‘milf’ was the fourth most searched category in 2019, in the fantasy world of porn. Bringing it back to reality, mums who express a sexual nature are not placed on such a pedestal. It’s as though society believes that once a woman has brought a child into the world, the sexual side of her nature must be suppressed. You’ve had sex for the reproductive function, you’ve been blessed with a child, but god forbid you would now want to explore sexuality for pleasure. Isn’t the patriarchy just full of contradictions?
Or once wedding vows are exchanged and the ring is slid onto that left hand, the wife loses any sexual singularity she had separate from her significant other, as though her body should be blur-censored, only reserved for the eyes of her doting partner. Or because a woman threatens the patriarchy and excels in a male-dominated industry, that she must only live and breath facts and figures – god forbid a woman does something that just makes her feel good. It's as though women are believed to lack the capacity of being able to embody more than one of these roles. Well, it's beyond time to scrap that outdated structure, which lives to serve the patriarchy, and confines women to their singular little box.
Today we meet a woman who not only ticks all these boxes, but crushes them, under a designer stiletto heel. She is all of these things, and so much more. A woman who we have long been inspired by, who we named one of our most successful collections after, The Wicked Jade. Her namesake collection is one of our most coveted; celebrating her fierce femininity with bondage-inspired straps and peek-a-boo cutouts. She is a 40-something year old woman, a divorced single mother, with Singaporean-Chinese heritage. She has taken a look at what society writes as your typical sex blogger, and politely rejected it.
Amongst her detailed sex toy reviews, lists of lingerie favourites - such as the best ouvert knickers or the best high waisted panties (spoiler alert, we feature on both lists) - she delves a little deeper into what is underneath the lingerie. She features feminism, dating, love, motherhood, social commentary, politics. She toys with various sex toys, and gushes over her passion for female ejaculation. She disputes the fetishisation of Asian women, the oppression of women and their sexuality, and even wrote a post regarding the stigma and society's disparage of “sexy muthas”. There is nothing this woman will not discuss. Exactly as it should be.
Let's delve a little deeper with the wonderfully wicked, Wicked Jade...
Tell us a bit about yourself, name, age, where you live?
My name is Stephanie, aka The Wicked Jade. I’m 47 and I live in London.
Where does your name ‘The Wicked Jade’ come from?
“An impudent slut, a wanton hussy, an audacious harlot, a wicked jade, a vile strumpet” from Tom Jones, by Henry Fielding. I own all that.
Can you tell us 5 words to describe yourself?
I like the word “quaintrelle”, an archaic word that is the female equivalent of the dandy, meaning ‘a woman who emphasizes a life of passion expressed through personal style, leisurely pastimes, charm, and cultivation of life’s pleasures’. “Geek” is also another adjective. When I get into something, I throw myself into it 100%, research it, watch videos, read books, etc, whether it’s a TV series, pilates, archery or kink. I’m currently geeking out over houseplants. I would also describe myself as practical, independent and confident.
How do you feel when you wear lingerie as opposed to underwear?
I actually try not to make a distinction between lingerie and underwear. It’s all relative – one woman’s lingerie may be another person’s underwear. When I buy any lingerie I try to make sure that it looks beautiful, is comfortable and makes me feel great. Why save things “for best”? There is a narrow category of lingerie that I own which is extremely luxurious or impractical and perhaps is only appropriate for wearing in the bedroom or to sexy parties.
You use the phrase “out of the bedroom and into the boardroom”, how do you feel your erotic side has influenced your life outside of the bedroom? How do you bring your sexuality into the boardroom?
We talk a lot these days about bringing our whole selves to work. This means being comfortable to share all aspects of our personality. One way to do that is through the clothing we wear. These are badges or symbols which identify your tribe. It’s not necessarily going the whole hog and dressing up in leather and latex, but little hints that act as markers of your identity. For me, that might include wearing a ring choker or a harness over a dress; a seamed stocking; a bondage inspired leather bracelet; or just letting my fabulous lingerie subtly show through a translucent but otherwise modest top.
What is your favourite piece of Something Wicked lingerie and why?
I love all the high-waisted briefs. I’m very much into high-waisted anything at the moment. The Ava and Jade high-waisted briefs are two of my favourite pieces.
What does female empowerment mean to you?
Female empowerment for me is about supporting and giving a voice to other women through my actions and words. I acknowledge my privilege as an educated, well-resourced woman, who has had plenty of opportunities in life. I feel confident enough to do anything. But other women do not have all those opportunities, whether it’s because of the country in which they live, or their lack of financial means, or simply their lack of confidence. I’m watching Mrs America at the moment, a wonderful series about the history of the women’s movement through the 1970’s and 80’s. I’m reminded that we need to acknowledge all the work done by women before us, who laid the ground for us to make choices in our lives. We all need to pay it forward and continue to support women who need our help.
How do you think your divorce affected your life? Did you feel more liberation/fear/empowerment/fulfilment? What did this new era of your life mean for you?
Relationships end but we should not see that as failure; simply the closing of a chapter. My divorce was a catalyst for a new beginning that gave me a belief that anything was now possible. I was married for a long time and I was excited about being independent again. I wanted to get out and explore, to have new adventures, to meet new people. And by golly, it was fun doing all that!
You discuss the Asian woman fetish in your blog, but have you felt some stigma surrounding your liberated sexual views because of your Singaporean-Chinese heritage, what is your response/way of combating this?
I’m too long in the tooth to worry about what people think of me! There is a definite fetishization of Asian women and I steer clear of anybody who tries to fetishise me.
You represent several categories of women who are visibly underrepresented in the lingerie or erotic community; asian heritage, a lady in her 40s, a mother. What does it mean to you to represent these women in the erotic community?
There is some small value in what I do because there are relatively few people who look like me on social media. I can show people that there is no contradiction in any of those identities. I’m sure I’m not the only Asian, 40-something sex blogger who is a mother, but I guess there are few enough to make me seem unusual. I don’t know if I’m representative or unique but I have received messages from other Asian women saying that my example is helpful to them. If I can set some people free from their own cultural or societal hang-ups, then that is a win.
‘Female sexuality is no longer a taboo’ Do you agree with this statement?
We are socialised and taught that women are not highly sexual creatures. That we seek sexual gratification only as a means to form relationship bonds. I think we can safely say that that is a myth propagated by millennia of patriarchal societal structures. When a woman is financially secure, does not fear pregnancy or social stigma, does not have the burden of childcare weighing down on her, I think we can see that she is just as likely to indulge in her sexual desires as lustily as any man.
What message would you give to your younger self eg as a teenager?
I would have said: “don’t waste your young years”. But then I believe that everything we do is written for us, and whatever I did in my young years has made me who I am.
What has been the most ‘wow’ moment of your life since you became ‘The Wicked Jade’ - what has been the coolest experience/moment/interaction?
There have been so many great things but a little moment was when I was at a designer lingerie sample sale and there was a small group of fellow lingerie Instagrammers like me together in a changing room, all helping each other to try on lingerie and having a fabulous time. I would never have met these women without The Wicked Jade, and Instagram brought us together!
We told you, she’s pretty incredible isn’t she? If you want to keep up to date with everything The Wicked Jade is doing, follow her Instagram at @thewickedjade, and explore her thought-provoking prose at https://thewickedjade.blog.